- Why do I need to send a thank-you note for a thank-you note? It’s like, at what point do we stop this madness and just high-five next time we meet?
- When a coworker hugs you in the office, are they crossing a line, or are you supposed to pretend it’s totally normal? Because I’m not comfortable with casual groping in the break room.
- Apparently, there’s an unspoken rule about how many times you can say ‘thank you’ before it gets weird. I just want to know when it’s safe to stop before I become the thank-you machine.
- There’s this absurd dance we do at parties where you have to introduce people you barely know to other people you barely know, and everyone pretends they’ll remember each other’s names. Spoiler: they won’t.
- Overly familiar coworkers who want to be ‘work besties’ are like those pop-up ads you can’t close fast enough. I’m just trying to get to my desk without committing to a weekend brunch.
- I once got dumped because he said my laugh was ‘too loud.’ Yeah, like that’s something I can tone down. Sorry, pal, but I laugh on full blast or not at all.
- One guy told me it wasn’t ‘working out’ because I didn’t want to move to the suburbs. I mean, he had a point—I’m not trying to give up street noise for crickets anytime soon.
- I got dumped for refusing to share my dessert. I mean, come on, that’s a deal-breaker? Who shares cheesecake? Am I right?
- He broke up with me because I ‘wasn’t into sports.’ I guess watching him throw a ball around was supposed to be my new hobby. Who knew?
- My favorite was the guy who dumped me because his mother didn’t like my hair. Yeah, as if I’m going to change my entire style to impress some lady who wears pearls to the grocery store.
- Dating in New York is like trying to find a parking spot—you keep circling around, hoping for something good, but you usually end up settling for whatever’s available.
- First dates in this city are a minefield. Do you kiss at the door? A handshake? Or do you just wave awkwardly and hope you never run into them on the subway?
- There’s nothing like a blind date where they’re only blind to the fact that you’re already planning your escape route halfway through the appetizer.
- Why do all the cute guys in this city live in the worst neighborhoods? It’s like, sure, I’ll come visit you in your charming little death trap… If I can make it past the sketchy bodega.
- You know it’s bad when your date talks about how much they love New York, but they’ve only been to Times Square and the Statue of Liberty. Red flag, red flag!
- There’s nothing quite like working with someone who smiles at you in meetings but is secretly gunning for your job. It’s like ‘Survivor,’ but with less sunscreen.
- I have this coworker who pretends we’re best friends, but the second I turn my back, she’s already pitching my ideas as her own. I’m starting to think she’s my nemesis.
- Office politics is just high school with worse lighting. You’ve got the popular kids, the gossipers, and the ones who are plotting your downfall during lunch.
- It’s not that I’m competitive—it’s just that if you’re trying to sabotage me, I’ll gladly return the favor. And I’ll look good doing it.
- The worst part about frenemies at work? You still have to pretend you care about their weekend plans, even though you know they’d throw you under the bus if it meant a promotion.
- Small talk is like the parsley of conversation—no one really wants it, but there it is, on your plate, just staring at you.
- Elevator small talk should be banned. There’s nothing worse than a forced conversation when you’re just trying to get to your floor in peace.
- Oh, you want to talk about the weather? Again? Great, because there’s nothing more riveting than discussing the inevitable changing of the seasons.
- Why do people think it’s a good idea to start a deep conversation in the last five minutes of a party? I’ve been trying to leave for the past hour; I don’t have the energy for this!
- I’m convinced that people who love small talk have never experienced the sheer joy of comfortable silence. Sometimes, saying nothing is the best conversation you can have.
- Why is it that every time I sit down in a movie theater, I end up next to the person who thinks they’re the director, narrating every single scene?
- I swear, if one more person kicks the back of my seat, I’m going to turn around and offer them my chair, since they’re so desperate to be closer to the action.
- The search for the perfect seat in a movie theater is like trying to find Atlantis—it’s a myth, and you’ll probably get a crick in your neck trying.
- People who come to the movies and talk the whole time should have to sit in a special ‘chatterbox’ section. Preferably outside the theater.
- Can we all agree that the previews are the best part of the movie experience? The actual film is just the dessert; the trailers are the appetizer I came for.
- The thing about ‘yada yada’ is, you know someone’s leaving out the juiciest part of the story. It’s like reading a novel with all the good chapters torn out.
- I was listening to a guy talk about his ‘exciting weekend’ and he ‘yada yada’d’ over the part where he got arrested. That’s not a ‘yada yada,’ that’s the headline!
- People use ‘yada yada’ like it’s a magic eraser for bad behavior. ‘I borrowed your car, yada yada, I crashed it.’ Uh, excuse me? Back it up!
- There’s no better way to tell someone you’re lying through your teeth than throwing in a casual ‘yada yada.’ It’s like a verbal red flag.
- I once had a guy ‘yada yada’ through our entire relationship. Apparently, ‘yada yada, we’re over.’ I guess that was his way of softening the blow?
- New York is the only place where people spend more on their shoes than their rent. And I’m not saying I’m immune, but I might have skipped a utility bill for a pair of boots once.
- I spent two hours getting ready for this party, and now I’m sweating off my makeup because someone thought it was a good idea to cram 50 people into a one-bedroom apartment.
- The pressure to look good in this city is insane. I mean, I once wore heels to a picnic just because I didn’t want to be the one person who showed up in flats.
- I’ll admit it—I’ve bought a dress just because I couldn’t stand the thought of running into my ex in the same outfit twice. It’s the price of dignity.
- Ever notice how ‘effortless style’ actually takes a ton of effort? I’m over here with six layers of concealer, pretending I just rolled out of bed looking fabulous.
- I tried yoga once, but all I got was a pulled hamstring and a realization that I’m not as flexible as a pretzel. I’m sticking to sitting.
- The gym is like a club I’m not cool enough to join. Everyone’s in their trendy workout gear, and I’m over here in a t-shirt from college, pretending I know how to use the machines.
- I tried jogging in Central Park, but after dodging tourists, dog walkers, and the occasional pigeon, I decided walking to the nearest café was a better workout.
- My one and only spin class ended with me spinning right out the door. Apparently, cycling to nowhere isn’t my idea of a good time.
- The hardest part about working out? Deciding whether to wear the cute outfit or the one that’s actually comfortable. Spoiler alert: I went for comfortable, and now I’m just in the café.
- Sometimes I think I’m the only sane one in this trio. But then again, I’m the one still hanging out with Jerry and George, so maybe sanity is overrated.
- I’ve been dragged into so many of George’s schemes that I’ve lost track of which ones were my idea and which ones I was just too bored to say no to.
- Jerry’s whole ‘no hugging, no learning’ rule might be the only thing keeping our little group from turning into a full-blown soap opera. And thank God for that.
- Being friends with Jerry and George is like being in a sitcom where no one knows they’re in a sitcom. The situations get crazier, and somehow, we just keep going.
- I used to think I was the voice of reason in this group, but after suggesting a muffin top business, I’ve accepted that I’m just as nuts as the rest of them.
The Absurdity of Social Etiquette
The “Getting Dumped” Chronicles
The Perils of Urban Dating
Frenemies in the Workplace
The Dreaded Small Talk
Pet Peeves About Movie Theaters
The ‘Yada Yada’ Phenomenon
The Cost of Keeping Up Appearances
Misadventures in Physical Fitness
Living with George and Jerry’s Shenanigans
