50 Eric Cartman Quotes (Imaginary)

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    Cartman’s Schemes and Scams

  1. I convinced the entire town that a meteor was going to crash into South Park just to get out of doing my homework. Genius, right?
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  3. Remember when I faked a psychic ability to exploit grieving families? Yeah, that was one of my best moneymaking schemes ever.
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  5. Starting my own church to make millions off gullible people? It was brilliant! Faith+1 rocked the world and my bank account.
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  7. Tricking Scott Tenorman into eating his own parents? Classic Cartman. It’s all about the long game, folks.
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  9. Pretending to be handicapped to win the Special Olympics? Hey, all’s fair in love, war, and getting what I want.
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    The Dark Humor of Eric Cartman

  11. Yeah, I made Butters think the world ended and locked him in a bomb shelter for days. It was hilarious!
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  13. Feeding Scott Tenorman his parents? Dark humor at its finest. You just don’t see that level of commitment anymore.
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  15. When I accused my mom of being a hermaphrodite just to mess with everyone’s heads. Pure Cartman gold.
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  17. My Christian rock band was just a ploy to scam people out of money. The joke’s on them!
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  19. Remember when I dressed up as Hitler for Halloween? South Park just can’t handle my level of humor.
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    Cartman vs. Kyle

  21. Kyle’s just jealous because he knows he’ll never be as smart or as awesome as me. Sucks to be him!
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  23. I live to make Kyle’s life miserable. It’s practically my full-time job, and I’m damn good at it.
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  25. Kyle thinks he’s so righteous, but he’s just a goody-two-shoes loser who can’t handle the real world.
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  27. Every time Kyle tries to one-up me, he ends up looking like a fool. It’s almost too easy.
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  29. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that pushing Kyle’s buttons is the key to my happiness.
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    Cartman’s Catchphrases

  31. Respect my authoritah! Or suffer the consequences.
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  33. Screw you guys, I’m going home!
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  35. Kyle, you’re such a Jew. And not in the cool, money-saving way.
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  37. I’m not fat, I’m big-boned! Get it right!
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  39. You guys, seriously, this is so weak. I’ve seen stronger insults from a dead hamster.
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    The Many Faces of Eric Cartman

  41. The Coon was my finest creation. A superhero with a dark side, just like me.
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  43. When I dressed up as a robot to spy on Butters, it was a masterclass in deception.
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  45. Pretending to be a German boy to get on TV? That was pure Cartman brilliance.
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  47. My stint as a hippie exterminator was legendary. No one eradicates peace-lovers like Cartman.
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  49. As Awesome-O, I proved that even as a robot, I’m more human than most people in South Park.
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    Cartman and His Mom

  51. My mom spoils me because she knows I’m destined for greatness. End of story.
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  53. She’s a pushover, but I love her. She’ll do anything I want, and that’s the way it should be.
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  55. Liane’s a mess, but without her, I wouldn’t be the genius mastermind I am today.
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  57. Sure, I manipulate her, but it’s all part of the master plan. She’s just a pawn in my game.
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  59. My mom’s ‘special friends’ are gross, but they’re her problem, not mine. I’ve got bigger fish to fry.
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    Cartman’s War on PC Culture

  61. PC Principal can suck it. No one tells Cartman how to think or what to say.
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  63. I’m not here to make people feel good about themselves. I’m here to tell it like it is.
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  65. Political correctness is just a way for weak people to feel powerful. I’ll never bow to that nonsense.
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  67. I’ll call people whatever I want. If they can’t handle it, they’re too soft for South Park.
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  69. PC culture is ruining comedy. Good thing Cartman’s here to keep it real and offensive.
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    From Fat Camp to Casa Bonita

  71. Fat Camp was a blast! Who knew losing weight could be so much fun? Oh wait, I didn’t lose any.
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  73. Casa Bonita is my Disneyland. I’d do anything to get there, even if it means tricking my friends.
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  75. Remember when I infiltrated NAMBLA just to find mature friends? Yeah, that was a classic.
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  77. Going to Somalia to become a pirate? Best decision ever. Who knew piracy was so fulfilling?
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  79. Joining the Special Olympics under false pretenses was just another day in the life of Cartman.
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    The Many Talents of Eric Cartman

  81. Faith+1 was my ticket to fame. Who knew Christian rock could be so profitable?
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  83. As an actor, I’ve played everything from a robot to a German boy. My range is unparalleled.
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  85. I’ve got the voice of an angel and the cunning of a devil. It’s a lethal combination.
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  87. Remember my musical ‘Le Petit Tourette’? I’m a creative genius, plain and simple.
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  89. My ability to manipulate people is my greatest talent. It’s what sets me apart from the rest.
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    Cartman’s Best Friends and Worst Enemies

  91. Stan and Kenny are my bros, but they’re also pawns in my elaborate games.
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  93. Kyle is my arch-nemesis. Our battles are the stuff of legends in South Park.
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  95. Butters is my loyal sidekick, even if he’s too dumb to realize it.
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  97. Wendy Testaburger? She’s got guts, but she’s no match for Cartman’s wit.
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  99. My relationships are complex. I’m a master manipulator, and everyone else is just a piece on my chessboard.
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Movies and Series list

grey's anatomy

Prison Break

Fast & Furious

Harry Potter

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