- Did you know that if you scaled a T-Rex down to the size of a chicken, it would still be absolutely terrifying? Because, dinosaurs.
- Whenever I find a fossil, it’s like the Earth is saying, ‘Here, have a 300-million-year-old gift because you’re awesome.’
- Paleontology isn’t just a job, it’s a way to time travel. And yes, every day feels like a ‘Jurassic Park’ episode!
- Explaining the difference between a velociraptor and a deinonychus is my kind of small talk.
- I might not have a time machine, but with a dinosaur bone, I’m as close as it gets to touching the past.
- I’ve had more divorces than successful marriages, but then again, who’s counting?
- If you think being married is tough, try explaining three divorces without sounding like a sitcom.
- Divorce is like a box of chocolates; you never know what you’re gonna get, but it’s probably not chocolate.
- Each of my divorces taught me something important, like how vital it is to differentiate between ‘Ms.’ and ‘Mrs.’
- After three divorces, I’m basically a black belt in relationship do’s and don’ts.
- Competing with Monica isn’t just a challenge; it’s an extreme sport, and yes, I’ve thought about doping.
- Our childhood was basically the Hunger Games, except instead of survival, it was about who could load the dishwasher faster.
- Having a sibling means always having backup; having Monica as a sibling means the backup is usually screaming.
- Sibling rivalry with Monica taught me valuable life skills, like how to hoard cookies and sprint.
- Yes, Monica and I are competitive, but if you think our games are intense, you should see us at Thanksgiving.
- Unagi is not just a skill; it’s a state of mind, a total awareness. Also, it’s not the same as the sushi, as I’ve been told.
- I practice Unagi daily, which is why I’ve never been caught unprepared—except for when it comes to marriages.
- Achieving Unagi means you’re always prepared, whether it’s for a pop quiz or a surprise party… or another surprise party.
- You think you know Unagi, but it’s not something you can have; it’s something you are.
- Remember, danger could be lurking anywhere, which is why Unagi is not just useful; it’s necessary.
- Being a dad means you get to teach life’s important lessons, like why dinosaurs don’t make good pets.
- Parenting is 50% love and patience, and 50% answering ‘Why?’ for the fifth straight hour.
- Every time I look at Ben or Emma, I realize I’ve got the most important job in the world, even more important than correcting people’s grammar.
- Yes, I’m a paleontologist, but being a dad has taught me more about evolution than any dig site ever could.
- The best part of being a dad? You get to be a kid again, but this time you’re in charge of bedtime.
- If my love life were a book, it would be a science fiction novel—unbelievable and occasionally confusing.
- Getting back together with Rachel was like correcting a major typo in my love story.
- My relationship with Rachel is like a seesaw. It’s fun and exciting, but someone always ends up on the ground.
- They say love is never having to say you’re sorry. I must not be doing it right.
- Dating was easier when I could discuss dinosaurs instead of feelings.
- Correcting grammar isn’t just a hobby; it’s a public service.
- I’m not a know-it-all; I just happen to know a lot because I read the extra material in science class.
- Some people use sarcasm, I use scientific facts. It’s less about being fun at parties and more about being right.
- Why yes, I do enjoy explaining the inaccuracies in historical movies. Thanks for asking!
- There’s no problem that can’t be solved by a good spreadsheet or a thorough scientific analysis.
- Planning a wedding should come with instructions, or at least a warning label.
- My weddings should have loyalty cards; attend five, and you get a free plus-one.
- Every wedding of mine has been unique, like snowflakes—beautiful but, in my case, prone to melting down.
- I’ve had enough experience with weddings to know that the cake tasting is the best part.
- If you want to know how not to do a wedding, I’m practically a professional.
- Playing the bagpipes was an experiment in cultural music…and in testing my neighbors’ patience.
- I love learning about other cultures; it’s like adding new layers to the map of my mind.
- Whether it’s artifacts or customs, every piece of history tells a story, and I’m here to read them all.
- My attempt to embrace Scottish culture via bagpipes taught me that some talents are better admired from afar.
- Cultural appreciation is important to me, especially when it involves less common instruments… said no one in my building ever.
- My friends are like my emotional support group, but with more coffee and less judgment.
- Being friends for so long means you can communicate with just a look… or in my case, a lecture.
- Without my friends, I’m just a guy who likes dinosaurs. With them, I’m a guy who likes dinosaurs, and people tolerate it.
- Friendship is knowing someone’s worst and best qualities and deciding the best is way more fun.
- Our group is like a rock formation; we’ve got layers, and some of those layers involve a lot of pressure.
Paleontology Passion
Divorce Chronicles
Sibling Rivalry
Unagi Philosophy
Parenting Journey
Romantic Misadventures
Intellectual Quirks
Wedding Woes
Cultural Interests
Friendship Bonds
