1. “I’m not good at handling stress, but I am good at avoiding it!”
2. “Is it time for my juice box, Mother?”
3. “I don’t understand military time! It’s like regular time but scarier!”
4. “Can we postpone this conversation until nap time?”
5. “I’m a master of procrastination and panic.”
6. “An ill-advised army crate is where my heart truly belongs.”
7. “Mother always said that panic is just me expressing enthusiasm.”
8. “I solve problems by pretending they don’t exist.”
9. “My achievements are impressive… if we use a different scale.”
10. “Surprise! It’s me, panicked—and now hiding under a bed.”
11. “I majored in ‘What’s Mother Up To?’ with a minor in Neuroses.”
12. “One day I’ll learn to manage my anxiety. But not today.”
13. “An eye for an eye leaves the whole world with secondhand trauma.”
14. “Hand me that loose seal! Oh, wait… never mind.”
15. “There’s a 30% chance I’m participating in this conversation.”
16. “I’ve got a brown belt in ‘Overdependence.’”
17. “I’m a mummy… and now I’m terrified of history.”
18. “Dramatic gasps are just my way of saying hello.”
19. “What’s a costume party without questionable life choices?”
20. “Keep calm and call for Mother immediately!”
21. “Join the army, they said! It’ll be restful, they said!”
22. “My arm’s gone, but I’m still wonderful company!”
23. “I’m living proof that a nervous tick can be endearing.”
24. “If life gives you loose seals, swim away quickly.”
25. “Fear is just God’s way of keeping me entertained.”
26. “I’d like to think my fetal position is quite advanced.”
27. “Hugging the panic away never worked, but I do it anyhow.”
28. “I can substitute caffeine with pure dread, thanks!”
29. “Let’s just say I’m a fan of pretending surprises don’t exist.”
30. “The army taught me resilience. And by army, I mean my stuffed animals.”
31. “There’s a fine line between adventure and anxiety. I don’t walk it.”
32. “If drama had a PhD program, I’d be tenured.”
33. “I own a very pricey degree in ‘Helicopter Parenting Observer.'”
34. “Does anyone have a map to avoid the pitfalls of reality?”
35. “Pile on the panic—I’m an emotional Jenga tower!”
36. “I’m a perennial student… mostly of ‘What’s Mother Doing Now?'”
37. “There’s no ‘I’ in team, but FYI, I’m still here!”
38. “Oh yes, my safe word is ‘overwhelmed.'”
39. “Keep your enemies close, but keep your panic attacks closer.”
40. “I do cartwheels in the spirit of emotional escape.”
41. “I don’t wear capes, but I do offer hugs after sobbing.”
42. “Who needs calm when you have the thrill of unceasing worry?”
43. “For the record, living in denial is underrated.”
44. “If anyone needs me, I’m too busy worrying!”
45. “Mother says my anxiety attracts greatness.”
46. “My achievements speak louder than my screams. Sometimes.”
47. “Those who can, do; those who can’t, panic!”
48. “There’s a clear opportunity here for a quick exit.”
49. “Folded laundry is the least of my worries.”
50. “Trust me; my nervous fits are something to behold.”
Buster Bluth & Gob Bluth: The Art of Avoiding Responsibility
Buster: So, Gob, I’ve been thinking about maybe taking up a hobby… you know, something constructive. Mother thinks I should learn something useful, like making my bed, but I say, why start now?
Gob: Buster, Buster, Buster… the key to a happy life is avoiding responsibility at all costs. Just look at me! I’m riding the wave of magic and illusions. Abraca-avoidance, if you will.
Buster: (nervously adjusts glasses) Oh, I don’t know, Gob. Every time I think about trying something new, like driving, I get this… overwhelming desire to lie down. That’s normal, right?
Gob: Perfectly, perfectly normal. Who needs driving when you can have personal drivers? You just need to utilize your resources. Speaking of which, have you seen where I parked my Segway?
Buster: No, but I did see your magic act flyers in the dumpster. Is that part of the trick?
Gob: Yes, yes, exactly! Part of the trick… or maybe a comment on how society disposes of genius—who knows? We leave that to the audience to decide. But back to you, Buster, let’s focus on keeping you in your comfort zone.
Buster: Well, comfort isn’t exactly easy when there’s always the risk a seal might turn up again… sneaky little guys. Maybe I should take up knitting, something nice and woolen for protection. Can’t chew through wool, right?
Gob: How about this? We combine your love for knitting with my magic! You knit me a top hat, and I’ll pull a rabbit out of it. We’ll call it— The Bluth Brothers’ Cozy Conjuring!
Buster: (his face lights up) I could knit matching scarves and capes! Oh, the possibilities really embrace me now, Gob!
Gob: Embrace the magic, Buster! Or at least embrace the opportunity to not do what mother tells you. Speaking of which, I hear her calling for you… something about cleaning the stairs?
Buster: (quickly stands) Well, it’s been lovely, Gob, really. But I must dash. Those stairs won’t clean themselves—okay, they actually might, if I ignore the call long enough!
Gob: That’s the spirit, Buster. Remember, avoidance is the true secret. Now, let’s see about that disappearing act… starting with me.
And with a flourish of his cape, Gob twirls and strolls away, leaving Buster to scamper off into the ever-looming calls of family duty.
