1. “Shopping is my cardio and therapy rolled into one!”
2. “Money might not buy happiness, but it does buy a fabulous wardrobe.”
3. “Sure, I’m a philanthropist—I’ve supported as many charities as I’ve supported shoe sales.”
4. “Self-care isn’t about what you need; it’s about what you deserve.”
5. “Why save money when you can save your style?”
6. “Spending is an art form, and I consider myself an artist.”
7. “Charity is meant for those in need of attention, darling.”
8. “Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who’s the most Bluth of them all?”
9. “Sometimes I feel like I’m one sale away from total enlightenment.”
10. “I’d like to make an announcement. I have stopped saving anything—except face.”
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11. “I’m into politics, but mostly the politics of procuring a great discount.”
12. “Accessories speak louder than words.”
13. “Nothing blows over a juicy scandal faster than a glossy shopping spree.”
14. “A protest is only as good as its fashion statement.”
15. “I support any cause that supports my love for public appearances.”
16. “Is there a word for doing absolutely nothing but looking fabulous?”
17. “I have zero patience for incompetence… and last season’s trends.”
18. “Love makes the world go ’round, but shopping sprees make it worth living.”
19. “You can never have too many shoes—or too many alibis.”
20. “Guilt looks best when accessorized with diamonds.”
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21. “I’m a socialite; being social is half the work!”
22. “The only true commitment I have is to wearing white after Labor Day.”
23. “Confidence level: Bluth family gathering.”
24. “Why seek inner beauty when outer beauty gets you everywhere?”
25. “Every woman needs a little black dress and a little bit of denial.”
26. “Family is important, but so is finding the perfect skirt.”
27. “The best things in life are free, like advice which I rarely take.”
28. “I never met a credit limit I didn’t try to push.”
29. “Empathy is fine, but have you ever tried browsing the clearance rack?”
30. “If I can’t wear it or flaunt it, do I really need it?”
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31. “A true fashionista knows that trends are fleeting but fabulousness is forever.”
32. “Every protest needs a poster child with immaculate taste.”
33. “Who says money can’t buy you a slice of happiness—or three?”
34. “Zero judgments, zero office hours, zero funds—it balances out.”
35. “I’ve been accused of being shallow, but look how impeccably I’ve maintained it.”
36. “I measure my days by the shopping bags I carry home.”
37. “If I’m being honest, and I always am, I could use another cocktail.”
38. “Marriage is a partnership—like a shared closet.”
39. “Lunch meetings: where meals are suggestions and gossip is the main course.”
40. “I told myself to be charitable today, so here I am!”
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41. “When life gives you lemons, sell them for designer pomade.”
42. “The answer to life’s problems? More glitz, and a bit of gloss.”
43. “I came, I saw, I shopped—mission accomplished.”
44. “Caring is sharing, especially when it comes to sharing style tips.”
45. “A day without shopping is like a day without sunshine.”
46. “I like my martinis like I like my bank accounts—in good spirits and endless.”
47. “I’ve been told life imitates art, but I prefer if it imitates my wardrobe.”
48. “Don’t just live life; model it.”
49. “The art of shopping is mastering the sale rack without the hassle.”
50. “Remember, a Bluth never backs down, especially if it means backing into a sale.”
A Delightful Conversation Between Lindsay Bluth Fünke and Lucille Bluth
Lindsay: Mother, you won’t believe the sale I just stumbled upon at the boutique today. You know, it’s truly one of my many talents to find such amazing deals.
Lucille: Darling, if by “talent” you mean extravagance, then yes, you definitely have it. I’ll only be impressed the day you buy something at the full price. Speaking of, have you actually found a real job yet?
Lindsay: Mother, jobs are for people who haven’t realized their true potential in life. I’m more of a… lifestyle curator. Besides, I’m already juggling so much — charity events, fashion statements, and being a role model for Maeby.
Lucille: Ah yes, and somewhere in between all that, you managed to forget how paying bills works. Honestly, I sometimes wonder who you inherited this sense of financial awe from. Certainly not me.
Lindsay: Don’t worry, Mom. I’ve been experimenting with the idea of leading a self-exploration workshop. I could show people how to live as fabulously as I do – think about it, inspiring others with my minimal efforts!
Lucille: A workshop? How delightful. Perhaps your first topic could be “Does anyone really pull off a feather boa?” I remember when you loved them even more than real clothes.
Lindsay: Feather boas are timeless, Mother. But really, I think this could be groundbreaking. Personal empowerment is so in vogue right now, and who better than me to guide the way?
Lucille: Just try to make sure your empowerment class doesn’t empower itself right out of a profit. And Lindsay, if you really want to contribute, there’s always the Lucille’s Ladies charity gala coming up. You could help by… well, by just showing up. And darling, do try to socialize with the donors, not just the bartender.
Lindsay: I’ll consider it. But first, I need to convince Tobias that “blue” really isn’t his color. Wish me luck.
Lucille: Good luck with your creative endeavors, Lindsay. I’m sure there’s someone out there who needs guidance only you can provide—ridiculous, over-the-top, luxurious guidance.
