50 George Bluth Sr. Quotes (Imaginary)

1. “There’s always money in the banana stand, but only if you know where to look.”

2. “Family isn’t business but try telling that to your lawyer.”

3. “Remember, there’s no ‘I’ in ‘Team’ but there’s a ‘me’ if you look close enough.”

4. “Never underestimate the power of denial—and offshore accounts.”

5. “Who needs a conscience when you have a good accountant?”

6. “Before you blame me for bad decisions, remember I taught you everything you know.”

7. “It’s not deceit if they don’t know you’re lying.”

8. “A good escape plan is like a pair of socks, always have a backup.”

9. “They can’t catch you if you made the rules.”

10. “Success is best measured by how many family members are still speaking to you.”

11. “Never build your empire on a handshake unless it’s followed by a nondisclosure agreement.”

12. “You can’t buy loyalty, but intimidation usually works just as well.”

13. “Integrity is overrated, but plausible deniability isn’t.”

14. “If you want something done right, do it yourself—or hire someone who looks just like you.”

15. “Opportunities look a lot like hard work, which is why I pay others to do it.”

16. “The family business can withstand anything, except maybe honesty.”

17. “Parenting is about three things: manipulation, misdirection, and magic tricks.”

18. “Why be the fall guy when you can be the guy who makes others fall?”

19. “The best way to deal with problems is to pretend they don’t exist.”

20. “You know it’s a party when you hear those telltale sirens.”

21. “Trust is like a luxury yacht; it’s nice to have but always costs more than it’s worth.”

22. “The cornerstone of any solid business is a good cover story.”

23. “If you want to avoid suspicion, just look guilty of something else.”

24. “Commitment is for wedding vows, not business deals.”

25. “The truth can set you free, but it’ll definitely set me back a few million.”

26. “I didn’t climb to the top of this family tree just to be cut down by climbers.”

27. “Sometimes the best way to save a sinking ship is to sell it for scrap.”

28. “Mistakes were made, mostly by other people.”

29. “A promise isn’t a promise until the ink is dry, and even then, watch out for leaks.”

30. “Don’t ask me how I got here, just be glad I’m not dragging you along.”

31. “Never let a little thing like morals get in the way of a good opportunity.”

32. “The more complicated the scheme, the easier it is to blame someone else.”

33. “Reputation is just a fancy word for ‘play it safe.'”

34. “When the going gets tough, the tough blame it on their lawyers.”

35. “Life’s a game and I’m just trying not to lose my pieces.”

36. “I’m not running from my past; I’m strategically avoiding it.”

37. “The key to a successful scam is making them think they’ve won.”

38. “Remember, whoever dies with the most toys probably owed a lot of back taxes.”

39. “If you’ve got nothing to hide, you clearly aren’t trying hard enough.”

40. “In the world of business, it’s not about right or wrong, it’s about who gets caught.”

41. “What’s a little legal trouble as long as the money’s right?”

42. “It’s amazing how much trouble you can avoid when you keep moving.”

43. “I was born with nothing, so technically, the court’s taking that from me too.”

44. “The Bluth motto: ‘Say anything, mean nothing, and always have an alibi.'”

45. “Success without controversy is like a banana without its peel—pointless.”

46. “A little scandal is good for the soul, but terrible for PR.”

47. “Sometimes you have to break a few laws to make an omelet.”

48. “Honesty was never my best policy; survival was.”

49. “Life’s too short to play fair, especially if you’re not winning.”

50. “After all, a family that cons together, stays together.” 

George Bluth Sr. and Lucille: A Poolside Chat

The Bluth Company’s patriarch, George Bluth Sr., finds himself lounging by the pool at the Balboa Towers, soaking up the sun despite his usual antics to avoid it. In strides Lucille Bluth, his formidable wife, armed with a martini and her signature sharp tongue.

Lucille: George! I was wondering where you scurried off to. With the sun, I thought you’d need your prison hat.

George Sr.: Lucille, my hat serves more purposes than just avoiding the sun. It screens me from prying eyes. Plus, who needs a hat when you have a wife who throws more shade than a palm tree?

Lucille: Flattery won’t fix the fact that the SEC is sniffing around us again. Honestly, George, you’re like a bloodhound to trouble.

George Sr.: Oh, come on, Lucille! I handled this family’s troubles for years. Remember when I had Buster “run” the Cornballer scam? Genius until he showed everyone how to use it.

Lucille: Ha! Buster running anything is laughable. The boy can barely jog without hyperventilating. It’s a miracle he’s managed to keep running errands for Mother.

George Sr.: Speaking of miracles, let’s talk about how you convinced our shareholders everything was going smoothly during that last meeting. I thought I was watching Houdini in heels.

Lucille: Well, George, sometimes it takes a woman’s touch to steer this ship. Or at least pretend it’s not sinking. Every Bluth for themselves, after all.

George Sr.: Don’t worry, Lucille, I have a new plan. It involves a reevaluation of our properties and a little chat with the board of directors. Maybe even some distraction with Gob’s new magic trick—if he can ever stay focused long enough to finish learning it.

Lucille: George, if you’re banking on Gob to pull off a successful trick, we might as well start digging an escape tunnel—again.

George Sr.: Haha! Touché. But don’t worry, between my ideas and your, let’s call them “persuasive skills,” this family will land on its feet.

The two share a conspiratorial smile, sipping their drinks with a certain calmness amidst their usual chaos, as the familiar sounds of Buster’s sailboat whistle echoes in the background.